04 February 2010

Experience in Exile

People ask me all the time what it's like to be Palestinian. Its as if we are an experience all our own, outside humanity itself and I suppose we are outsiders to a certain extent. The question itself doesn't offend me because it's intended as a bridge to understanding usually.

I can't explain what its like to be Palestinian in Occupied Palestine. I hardly remember that, but I can tell what its like to be Palestinian in Exile. Yet, something in me won't allow this to be the bigger picture. There are others who suffer so much more than me outside Palestine.

The other day, I was at an Arabic grocery store with an American friend. I needed lamb and she wanted to explore what she considers exotic fare. I asked the clerk for the best lamb, all the while noticing how knowledgeable he was about the cuts of meat and how skilled a butcher he actually was. I was aware that he was very shy and further, not very old, perhaps 16.

I struck up a conversation and found out that he too was Palestinian, as I had suspected. He had just arrived a few months before with his younger brother who stood quietly to the side and blushing every time I spoke to him. They had left their parents and siblings behind and were wards of their uncle now.

Since they hailed from my home town we spent time trying to determine if we were related or knew anybody in common. Failing that connection, we tried local ones and found that my great uncle is a freind of the family. Palestinians in the states generally have to know something about you and if we connect with family, that is the ideal but if we don't, then we continue on until we find a sense of belonging to each other somehow, some way. And when we do find that connection we hold each other closely and forever. Diaspora.

My friend, when finding out that the boys were recently arrived congratulated them! She said, "That is good, you are better off here.", meaning well. The boy smiled and nodded politely. I told her, "It's good yes, they are safer here, but its bad because they can never go back to live and they left their entire identities behind." The boy nodded again in agreement but this time, he had sorrow in his beautiful eyes. "Do you not miss it?" he asked.

The sadness overwhelmed me because I understood that it was more than being homesick, it was more than missing the people he loved so much. It was the fact that he and his brother, as young as they are, had taken a step in which there was no turning back and they took that step as if they were adults, but prematurely. They are 15 and 17 respectively. Once in diaspora, always in diaspora as long as there is no Right to Return. Even these children understand this much. But I still had to answer his question.

Its rather hard to say after 40 years that I too can miss my country, but I do. Yet, because I don't live in fear, I don't see the atrocities first hand and if I were to be victimized, I can fight back without fear of retribution. I can achieve justice, its my inalienable right, one that I am free to execute. Further, I came with my parents and because of that, I didn't have to prematurely learn a skill to support myself. I was able to concentrate on studying, not survival. I was very young and had time to adjust at home before being thrown into a school (the boys begged me to find them friends their age who understood what they were going through). While I struggle with survivor guilt, I don't dare claim to be suffering in comparison.

I therefore told the boy, "I have no right to miss it in the same way you do but I do miss it and no matter where I am in the world, no matter what passport I carry, I am always first and foremost, Palestinian. You will never stop missing your family and you will always want to touch the land of your childhood memories with your bare hands, but that also means you will never forget who you are and if you don't forget, you won't abandon our people."

For a fleeting moment, his smile partnered with the sorrow in his eyes.

Comments (23)

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Bardawil: Berlusconi's statement more fanatic than that of the occupation:

http://www.palestine-info.co.uk/en/default.aspx?x...
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IOA to demolish "unlicensed" homes in Silwan, IOF detain civilians:

http://www.palestine-info.co.uk/en/default.aspx?x...
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South Lebanon residents brace for new Israel war:

http://www.middle-east-online.com/english/?id=370...
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Report: Israel stole $2 billion from Palestinian workers:

http://electronicintifada.net/v2/article11056.sht...
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South Lebanon residents brace for new Israel war:

http://www.middle-east-online.com/english/?id=370...
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Hello Fikkrya,can you please tell me did you recive my message to you.I dont know did i send it properly or not,i send her in a hurry,so maybe i didnt sent it good.If you recived it,if you want you can respond when you have the time.Thanks.
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3 replies · active 804 weeks ago
Hi
I didn't get a message. Did you send to the email? I just looked, nothing there.
Just want to remind everybody, the time difference is going to mess me up so if you are not stateside, you might have to wait until the next day for any response from me. I promise though, that I'll be diligent in responding. Thanks.
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Hi Saladin, your message yesterday was held up in moderation, I think because of how long it was. Therefore I had to approve it and I was not online yeterday at all until jsut this morning. This program wil not allow for really long posts or posts with many links to automatically go through. So when I checked this morning I approved the comments, they are now posted below.
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Ok Irish thanks:)For links i already know,i only post now 1 link per coment.For the longer coments i will keep in mind not to write very long coments.
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Hello Fikkrya.I think that when i wrote it it said that it needs to wait for owner aproval,but i am not sure.The mesage for litlle longer,could that be a problem maybe?Before this program was instaled the procedure was that lonf messages needed to be in few parts,but then i was getting a notification that my message is long and that i need to put it in parts,so i dont know how this new program works.I will send it now again and if you dont got it then maybe its the problem that the message is too long,so i will try to send it in parts.
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I send itt again,so please let me know did you recived it
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Hello Fikkrya.Great article!You are right......as you said you canot explain what is like to be a palestinian in occupied Palestine,you can explain us what is like to be a palestinian in exile.Because i am not a palestinian i canot be in your shoes and say what is like to be a palestinian,As much as i want i can never totaly understand how you and other palestinians feel.Like Irish said you canot fully understand what the british did to irish people if you are not irish.Still......despite that i can tel you that i constantly think about palestine and your people,nothing will make we happier then to see that palestinians in the future live the normal life,far away from the occupation and all the bad things that israelis are doing to you.I will never fully understand the suffering of you and your people,thats insposible i know that,but i just want to tell you that i truly from the bottom of my heart feel the suffering of the palestinians....in my own way,in the way that i can feel in the best posible way because i dont live there or in exile.I hope that my feelings towards you and the feelings of many people in the world can at least bring a few smiles on your faces,that the fact that many people in the world think about you can at least make you feel better,at leat a bit.I ma realy happy that you are here and i will continue to read you articles every time you publish them.
On the other hand.....i will like to ask you your opinion about this:
I dont realy want to write about this because i dont want in any case that this happens but i would realy like to hear what you think about this:If we look objective,the situation with aqsa mosque is not good,the israelis are diging more and more tunels under the mosque and already many holes and cracks can be seen on the mosque.What is more frightening is the fact that nobody talks much about that.That fact in my mind points me to the situation that arabs dont care what will happen to the mosque and that aqsa will colaspe in the future,and nobody from outside would give a damm.Although we see that woirld powers say in their pathetic speaches that east jerusalem will be a capital for the palestine state in the future,the reality on the ground shows us that the hypocrite world powers will in the end change their policy and say in the future that east jerusalem will be for the israelis.I think that only things that dont alow that scenario to happen is the mosque.If mosque falls,i fear that the story about east jerusalem is over,and with her many setlements near also.
SO MY QUESTION FOR YOU IS:Do you think that if aqsa mosque colapse that the story of the east jerusalem is over and that it will become undivided capital of zionist entity and that the evil will win in the end?
Please if you have time,i would like to hear you opionion.
stay good Fikkrya!:)
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1 reply · active 804 weeks ago
Hi Saladin
Unfortunately, I cannot predict what will happen in the end.
Its a deeper issue than a simple response to a comment could allow and unfortunately, I have to run off to work........thanks for your support though.
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ok i send it and it says:Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly.
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7 replies · active 804 weeks ago
Hi Saladin
I am still learning how to use the new comments program so bare with me. I'll go look for your comment and try to figure it all out. Be patient.
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Hello Fikkrya.Ok no problem.I hope you will find it.If in some way the message is lost,i saved it in my word,just to be sure.
see yaa.
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I am just thinking,last time you said to me did i send you a message on the mail.Well i didnt manage to find the contact mail on the blog.I it posible maybe that you give me your mail,so somethimes i can send you a message on mail.Administrators have my mail,so if you dont want to publish it here,you can gave me your mail trough that option if you want of course.
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Hi Saladin, sorry, but we dont give out our email addys to readers on this blog. Any discussions we have take place in public in the comment sections only.

cheers,
irish4palestine
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Ok Irish.Listen can you just tell me this:before this program was instaled longer messages needed to be put in parts.Whats the story with this progra?How much can message be long so it can be properly send.So i can know for future in case when i wrote longer message that i am sure you have recive it,so i dont need to send you a message and ask did you recive it.Thanks
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i dont know is the short answer, it could be the length, or it could even be the amount of comments posted in a short time that flags it to moderation.

my suggestion is to slow down on posting lots of comments in only a short time, spread them out over time. and shorten the length.

I installed this because I don't have time to be online often enough to approve comments from people who comment regularly on the blog.

so most of your comments will go through easily without me having to do anything. The ones that and up in moderation will jstu be stuck there until I am online to approve them. this is the best I can do
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No everything its ok.I think that this program is a great thing and a positive improvement.
Yes you are right.I make a mistake because i always send few coments in a short period of time.Now because i know how the program works i will not post many coments in the same time.I just needed to know how the sistem works to adapt easily,because its litle difernet than before.But again i think this is much better and that you did a good decision to instal this program:)
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jaysus, that's so sad, ye made us cry. You said something that struck me, this:

"Since they hailed from my home town we spent time trying to determine if we were related or knew anybody in common. Failing that connection, we tried local ones and found that my great uncle is a freind of the family. if we don't, then we continue on until we find a sense of belonging to each other somehow, some way."

You could have been talking about the Irish here as well. We do this very same thing, we do it in America, and we even do it here in Ireland. I always thought it was an "Irish" thing. I can understand it in a foreign country, but here in Ireland, if people are at some event, or meet at someones home for a night, the first thing is where do you come from, then once you know the surname that gets it all going until some sort of connection is found, be it a town or family connection. I am happy to see we have this in common with Palestinians as well.
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1 reply · active 804 weeks ago
I have known many Irish in America who do the same thing! I thought it was just about being in an another land as well. Its great that its the same in Ireland:) I can't imagine it being any other way. I remember my granny dragging me across Palestine when I was little and people asking, "What city are you from? Who is your dad? Do you know so and so?" Its wonderful that we share that in common!
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