13 June 2009

"WTF" News Reports..........

In addition to George Mitchel avoiding a bomb in Lebanon, and Israel Praying for Ahmadinejad, and American Zionists Arming Themselves against Obama, there has been some totally bizarro news reports today. The following news stories qualify under the heading of.......
Police in Sierra Leone have called in fire fighters and the army to take control of a police station invaded by hundreds of hissing serpents. The police station in the town of Gerihun -- infested with an estimated 400 snakes -- has left even some of the toughest officers afraid to go to work.

Following the failure in luring out the snakes, sharp-shooters have been invited to the scene.

( So just how DOES one "lure" snakes out of a police station anyway? "Here snakey, snakey, snakey......c'mere you little slithering menace....No, that's clearly NOT working, time to call in the Sharp Shooters LOL, Oh the mental picture LOL) source
After a major surge in the number of swine flu cases in the UK, British Health Secretary Andy Burnham asks Britons not to panic. Britain has the largest number of swine flu cases in Europe with 909 cases. Health Protection Agency figures show an estimated 50-100 new cases detected every day.

(But people of Britain, fear not...........)
"People who have flu-like symptoms shouldn't panic, but stay at home and check their symptoms using the online symptom checker or the swine flu information line," he added.
(NO NEED TO PANIC, you can self diagnose yourself online, yeah, what a great idea!!! Cuts down on calls to GP's and ALSO keeps them for getting infected. What's next a "do it yourself" brain surgery, or DIY vascectomy? Ouch!

Needless to say, Curiosity got the better of me, I just HAD to know, so I took the liberty of visiting this "online swine flu checker" that will help us all feel safe, and what's the first thing I read you may ask? More comedy...
"This symptom checker is only suitable for adults and children over 5 years of age."
Anyone else bothered by that sentence? Five year olds diagnosing Swine Flu? Oh, but it gets even better, more comedy from the NHS, they also say this:
"If you are using the symptom checker on behalf of someone else please remember that the questions will be about them."
Words fail me, really they do.... the next page says this:)
This symptom checker is designed for use by yourself or someone you are with.

It may not be safe to use if the person you are enquiring for is not with you.
This begs the question, how does "it" know if you are the person or not? And what does it do to you if you are NOT the person? some sort of medieval from of punishment perhaps? This is getting very confusing.........yup there's more fun and giggles from the NHS:
Before continuing with this questionnaire you need to make sure that:
the person is conscious and reacting to you normally,
or if they are asleep, that they react to gentle shaking.

If you are with the person and you can't get them to react in any way, dial 999 and ask for an ambulance.
(God help us all, still ROFLMAO but in a very scared shitless kinda way)source
An American police officer shoots a 72-year-old woman with a taser gun after she refused to sign a speeding ticket and confronted him.

When Winkfein refused to sign the speeding ticket, Bieze reportedly ordered her out of her white pick-up truck, told her she was under arrest, and was later caught on camera tasering her for confronting him.

(Firstly what was he thinking? Secondly, What was he thinking?)source